Perspectives on Life: Loyalty

Disloyalty is like catching the train to nowhere or Tasmania

In with anger, out with hate.

It’s a meditation I use most days, but this week has just about seen me wear it out. It’s not the day-to-day burdens of power. They are something you become used to – a daily grind as certain as the smell in a toilet in the four hours after Joe Hockey has been in there (eight hours if it’s any of the Greens).

It’s the constant media speculation on leadership, the terrible display from the Opposition in Question Time this week and the unreasonable criticism of Julia personally have combined put me close to the edge.

It really throws into the most extreme focus the issue of loyalty and how little of it seems to be moving around the current Parliament.

So yet again, here’s some objective information on the shenanigans of recent days and how showing loyalty may have led to things coming out a little differently. Actually, that’ about as likely to happen as our popularity rating moving above 30% by Christmas, but you get my drift.

Leadership speculation

It’s a well known fact that the majority of the Canberra Press Gallery will only truly come alive if one of four prospects are on the cards:

1. An election announcement
2. Barnaby Joyce singing karaoke
3, There’s someone within a 4500km radius of Canberra willing to engage in leadership speculation
4. Laurie Oakes reciting the poetry of Philip Larkin

That’s why it only took one ALP parliamentarian present at Barnaby’s last gig (his rendition of Katy Perry’s Firework was actually not bad) to make an off-the-cuff remark to a News Ltd journalist, and the whole shitfight started up again. Now we’re back at the stage of Kevin allegedly counting the numbers (he’s not – Therese is doing it) and Julia allegedly feeling even more pressured on polling and leadership (ok she is).

More loyalty could have occurred at three junctures here. First, the ALP parliamentarian should know that any silly comments will be misconstrued by any journalist, let alone a News Ltd one. Therefore, he should have kept his mouth shut. Second, the News Ltd journalist should have been more loyal to his own common sense by believing anything Kevin says. Third, both Kevin and the journalist should have shown more loyalty to the confidentiality of the karaoke sessions. Next we’ll be getting news reports direct from the Nationals’ quarterly swingers parties or the Greens’ Bicycle Geocaching, Porn and Prawn nights.

Opposition Performance in Question Time

Question Time receives plenty of criticism at the best of times, mainly for its inanity and immaturity. This past week, thanks to the Opposition, we’ve seen things hit a new low. Whether it’s the hypocritical questions from the Libs on offshore processing, or their hypocritical rejoinders on the Government’s hypocrisy in accusing the Opposition of being hypocritical on the asylum-seeker issue, the whole process just got mired in negativity.

A standout for me was Joe Hockey’s sneering dismissal of Wayne Swan’s award as the worldwide Finance Minister of the Year by Euromoney magazine. Aside from the overt racism of his remarks in belittling previous recipients from Nigeria, Slovakia etc, it was the lack of loyalty Joe showed to his own history as a Finance Minister that appalled me. Back then I remember him going around every Parliamentary office selling Euromoney subscriptions in order to increase Costello’s chance of getting the gong. Now suddenly it’s a trashy magazine, and not just because it isn’t published by News Ltd. It’s petty, pointless point-scoring from a bitter Opposition.

Personal Criticisms of the Prime Minister

Four words: At Home With Julia. I have as good a sense of humour as the next power-wielder, but I fail to see how pap like that show is showing respect to an incumbent Prime Minister. Satire is fine, but not when it demeans the subject, and that’s what At Home With Julia is doing. It’s also worth noting the plethora of factual inaccuracies in the show that could have been avoided, whilst maintaining the alleged humour. Here’s just a small list of them:

1. The Lodge does not employ a janitor type called Jesus. He’s actually a 61 year old man called Jim, who loves orienteering.

2. Tim is not a stupid, bumbling idiot who everyone sees as a burden or irrelevancy. I for one would say Tim is far from stupid – semi-intelligently gullible is a better descriptor.

3. The sex under the Australian flag scene is just plain wrong. They used a bunch of Parliamentary tea-towels once, but the flag is bloody well grafted to the wall.

4. Bob Katter is not allowed to enter The Lodge after his nude mechanical bull-riding stunt during John Howard’s tenure.

5, Paul Keating is not a boring old windbag at key ALP functions. He’s an entertaining and bitchy orator in reality. He also makes the best Lemon, Lime and Bitters I’ve ever tasted.

So where does loyalty come in? The ABC should show more loyalty to the people who sign its cheques. They’ve theoretically done that with their endless beatification of my efforts as the actual hand that signs the cheque, but that’s a cop-out.

Julia deserves more respect than she’s getting, and if it doesn’t start happening soon you’ll be seeing a shitload more episodes of Sylvania Waters repeated on a Wednesday night.