Perspectives on Life: Personal Lives

I don’t think you need me to tell you how precious family and friends are. They are the reason we do what we do and it’s no different for anyone, punter or power-broker. The last thing you want is the people you love exposed to the trials of public life unless you can’t avoid it. One of those occasions occurred this week with the announcement of an imminent arrival. I don’t mean GFC 2 or a positive Opposition Leader (which isn’t imminent anyway). I mean something more productive than either: a baby.

A pregnancy is not the sort of thing that regularly makes the news, but in a country where more than half the population consider taking your socks off to procreate is kinky, then any ‘non-mainstream’ pregnancy story is going to get lots of attention. To minimise this, I took the tack of preempting speculation with an announcement, rather than some sewerage-imbibing tabloid journalist driving the story.

That’s all you’ll be hearing from me on the topic, but I wanted to use the opportunity to discuss the impact of public service on private lives. It’s the largest toll the job takes and clarifying some boundaries for both punters and media alike, will give some people pause before wrecking yet another day for someone trying to move the country forward.

The Do’s and Don’ts of Private Lives and Politicians

Do: ask a politician what they like to do when they’re not working.

Don’t: be surprised if they answer Scrabble and American Civil War history. Do you think they are going to answer “Ball gag connoisseur with a penchant for snuff films”?

Do: approach a politician in a public place if they’re formally dressed and have at least one staffer with them.

Don’t: expect a smiling welcome if we’re wearing jeggings and a Stevie Nicks t-shirt whilst looking for plastic storage containers in Bunnings. Jenny Macklin still talks about this incident six years after it occurred.

Do: expect your local member to buy a raffle ticket off you when they visit your school or nursing home on official business.

Don’t: be offended if you get a knock-back for your ‘Send little Lisa to the 2012 World Child Tart Championships in Idaho USA’ guessing competition outside the newsagent on a Saturday morning. It’s not just because you’re a bogan – MP’s just don’t carry money. That’s what staffers are for and all our leisure activities are pre-paid and pre-organised.

Do: compliment an MP on their attractive suit / skirt / dress / kilt.

Don’t: get upset if the AFP taser you after asking a MP if they are wearing any underwear. Bob Katter, Barnaby Joyce and Stephen Conroy are exceptions: they’ve gone commando for years and will happily discuss it in as much depth as you’d like.

Do: feel free to have a chat with any MP at Party events.

Don’t: expect more than 12 seconds of their time if you’re from the wrong faction, are wearing a Gough t-shirt or have written more than one letter to the Labor Herald / eHerald.

Do: ask hard questions at a press conference.

Don’t: get all precious if afterwards we share photos with your colleagues of your shenanigans with a hairbrush and three bottles of vodka the previous weekend.

Do: send get-well / condolence / congratulations cards to your MP if you feel the need.

Don’t: turn up to family funerals with a camera / petition / placard calling for reconsideration of your Centrelink determination. Did I mention tasers already?

Do: feel free to buy a drink for an MP if they do a pub whistlestop.

Don’t: expect them to drink it. Unless there are cameras in which case the AFP will get you to drink a small amount first -in another glass obviously. The last person who truly shared a drink with a punter was Bronwyn Bishop and look what happened to her.